calciumwaves:

IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT AND THERE WAS A KNOCK AT MY DOOR SO I CAUTIOUSLY OPENED THE DOOR THEN TWO DRUNKEN GUYS SHOUTED “SURPRISE” THEN LOOKED AT ME FOR A MOMENT AND WENT “FUCK WE’RE AT THE WRONG HOUSE” AND RAN AWAY DOWN THE STREET OH MY GOD

(Source: fabulewis, via mynamestylercalvert)

courag3:

My boyfriend just told me that the Krabby Patty secret ingredient is crab hence why it’s called a Krabby Patty and why Mr. Krabs is so secretive over it because he doesn’t want people to know their eating people like him and Plankton is actually a good guy.

(via awkwardlyretardedd)

craplos:

ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.

(via awkwardlyretardedd)